Meet Deb Billiet
She/Her. Fierce Mama Bear. Seeker. Artist. Visual Storyteller. Wanderer. Journaler. Ally
Life truly is a work in progress isn’t it? Chapters unfolding, miles traveled filled with forks and switchbacks, some light and sunny, some joy-filled, some dark and stormy filled with anguish, all beautifully imperfect, and necessary. And if we are lucky, we are learning and growing every step of the way.
It has been a bit of challenge trying to decide where to begin my story of getting my groove back, or perhaps in my case, finding my groove. It’s been a slow unfolding with many twists and turns, happiness and pain. And it has been a parallel journey of personal and professional growth.
When I was around the age of 41-42, I realized I could book end my life. I could see backwards to my earliest memories and I could also see forward through a reasonable amount of years, to an ending; and I could no longer ignore that soft little voice that had long whispered to me that I was unfinished. I just knew that in order to become the me I was meant to be, I would have to bring about change.
I was not happy and had not been for an awfully long time. I sensed a hole in me. Part of it I knew was a lack of faith and spiritual belief, the other part, I somehow knew, was a need to grow, I was stagnating. I was stuck. And I knew that it had to be done on my own.
And so I ended my 25 year marriage. I was dying inside and had to leave to save myself and to grow. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, I had two young kids and it was blowing up their lives as well. I had hoped I could at least hold out until our youngest graduated from high school, but six years was just too long.
It was after I left that I realized I had been living with depression for years. I always thought the heavy weight, the darkness and the lethargy were normal, that it was just my personality. And it quickly spiraled into even darker places, I was dancing so close to the edge, and the abyss was looking so good at times. I am so grateful that throughout it all, I was able to hang onto thoughts of my kids, they were the light in my life and kept me alive.
During this dark time, I started searching for answers on my own. I read self-help books and books on spirituality. I found a spiritual belief that is a blending of Eastern philosophy, nature, and science. It filled part of the hole.
By now, I had also been exposed to coaching and believed in the process. I did not feel the need to delve into the past but I knew I needed help and tools to move into my present and future. So when my thoughts became so dark and obsessive that a lobotomy sounded good, the Universe worked it’s magic and a coach crossed my path in an incredible quirk of fate. I knew I had to take the leap.
We worked together for about 6 months and fortunately the lessons and tools she gave me worked, and they have stayed with me. I have had minor episodes of situational depression but now I know how to get out the darkness.
And in the process, I found myself, my voice, my worth. Always shy, I lost my hesitation in speaking up, my worry about what people would think about me and what I had to say. I discovered that I am not boring, that I have a lot to give and to say. And that there is value to me beyond the physical package. I became comfortable with myself, free to be me. I found my groove. And I am grateful every day for the journey that I have been on, it has been so worth it!
I said this was a parallel journey. Throughout my years of depression, I always worked. I fell into a career that I love and that I am good at, although I struggled more often than not. Coaching helped me to find the answer to this as well. Today I know what I bring to the table and where that table should be!
A few of my truths…
- A daily practice of walking in nature and writing is essential to my health and well-being…physical, mental, emotional.
- My kids are my light and my inspiration. They make me want to be the best I can be, always.
- I have learned to see and acknowledge even the smallest blessings in my life, an essential practice.
- People and events are brought into our lives for a reason. We may not see the lesson or the reason at the time, but sooner or later they are revealed if we just pay attention.
- My two favorite quotes completely illustrate how I see the journey through life…
“The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.” ~Khalil Gibran
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin
- Time in nature taking pictures, reflecting, writing all fuel my creativity. I get lost in creatively editing photos, turning them into reimagined images that tell a story or are just beautiful. I believe if it is created out of love, someone will enjoy it. This is my flow.
- Freedom is a recurring theme in my life. Travel is everything to me, it is my education, my creativity, my love. When I hit the road, I feel everything open within me and I breathe a sigh of relief.
- I feel deeply. I see beauty around me. #ifeelthebeautythatisee.
There’s Katy Perry’s Roar, which is probably every woman’s song, but also anything about freedom, a recurring theme in my life.
Currently Jerry Jeff Walker’s LA Freeway…
More About Deb:
I am every woman. I am unique. I am a work in progress. Some might say I blew my life up in the 25th year of my marriage. I say I started down the road to finding myself, to finding my voice, to taking responsibility for me. And what a journey it has been.
Today, I am more certain of who I am. Rich in ideas, low on funds, in many ways more content than I have ever been. I know there is something waiting for me, something big and right. And so I keep on looking, moving closer to combining my personal passions and interests with my professional experience and skills…I am thinking together they create the path to my future.
Product design and development has been my career for the last twenty years, a career that I fell into and love. Naturally curious and creative, understanding the technical aspects of how something is made makes it possible for me to push the design envelope. Where others say it cannot be done, I question “why not”. I am passionate about supporting entrepreneurs, small business owners, small retailers in bringing their product ideas and businesses to life.